Dear college...
We had some good times, we also had some times where I was wondering WTF am I doing in my life! Honestly, did you really have a college experience if you've never contemplated selling drugs or becoming a stripper... because I was ready, they make a good living! You can't knock it at all. If you didn't have those thoughts go back, do it all again... I'm just playing! College for me was bittersweet. I graduated from University of Alabama, I had my girls and made some new friends. I partied, I studied. I took some Ls. I was sad, I cried a lot and I truly mean a lot. I wasn't close to home, but I wasn't down the street. I had a good distance to live freely. I did the unmentionables and I have more stories that are sharable, but overall it was an experience. I'm so grateful for lessons learned and the woman it's helped me become. Out of all the things I've learned, it's a few jujus (gems) I wanted to share with you. Let's start with the most important:
"You Grown"
I didn't want to put you're, I know the grammatical error in my statement, but I want you to feel it when you're reading it. "YOU grown". Your parents trusted you enough to pick your college/university, pack your bags, and move miles away from home. They wanted you to fall and stumble, it's a part of picking yourself back up. You choose who you are this in life, not anyone else. You have to make decisions for yourself based on what interest you, what you need/want, and most of all what makes you joyful. Being in college for me taught me responsibility and boundaries. You have to be responsible for your actions. You go to jail, your parents don't go you do, so be responsible, make sure you know someone with bail money... kidding, but these are things that could happen. It didn't happen to me so don't worry Mommie.Prioritize, get a job to pay bills if needed. Make sure you got gas to go chill with Derrick, lol. You have to be on time, stay on top of your studies, learn how to communicate with your friends/peers, and learn how to say no to the party because you have an exam on Monday. You also have to learn to accept no, if you didn't turn in that paper, now you're wondering why your grade is straggling on that thin line of the grade point scale, and your professor won't take it late... take the no and work harder for that grade. If your friend says no to tacos, go eat those tacos alone, get to know yourself, or make some new friends. These are great times to understand and respect people's personal space and learn to get comfortable with yours. Don't get mad at your friend for saying no or the professor for saying no, boss up and be grown, it's really okay. Take the times to figure what you like and don't like, find hobbies, join a club/organization, and find your niche. Find a tutor if needed. Sleep, be lazy if you need a rest. You make your decisions, this is the huge step in transitioning from college to the real world lol, like college isn't a part of the real world, but y'all get the drift!
Stop Procrastinating
It's all good until it's 11:30 p.m. and your midterm paper is due by 11:59 p.m. What sucks the most, you just started on the paper today. You told yourself "I can do it after my 3:30 p.m. class" like that's enough time to write a 1500 word paper! You had it all planned out, but here you are, rushing, Can't think of anything else to say, can't think of anymore information to finesse in this paper. 750 words, that's all you got! Saying to yourself man, I wish I would've started a little early! A day even would've been more time! Yeah that was me, taking my precious time! I know you can BS the discussion questions or that 10 question quiz, where all the answers are on Quizlet, but some things don't work like that!via GIPHY
Stop procrastinating! With everythinggg. Your goals, your business, and most definitely your school work. You're working for a goal, a degree, a job, to not work for anyone anymore, you have a goal. Don't let your responsibilities marinate too long!
Fearlessness
I know going off by yourself into new surrounding can be overwhelming and be a little scary, but embrace it. In college I was very fearful, It was to the point where I was secluding myself from everything, from my friends to my grades. I know that's sounds crazy... from your grades though Brandi? Yes, I was afraid of asking for help when I was really struggling. I didn't like people judging me for not knowing or needing help. I didn't like the idea of anyone looking down on me. I didn't even like going to the gym because I was so focus on opinions and not focused on my goal for being there. This really took an effect on my grades. Struggling in class, failing exams, all because I was afraid to ask for help, even from the professor. I really had a tendency to pressure myself when I want to do or learn something so bad, it's like intense. When I can't I just ball up and just say f*** it. I'll just give up. That's not the approach I needed because when I tell you misery loves company... I do mean lovesss company. It brought on depression, and unproductive-ness. It was a hard time for me... it gives me chill thinking about those times, it was dark, but I got through it!I find that writing is better for me, with that being said, emails became my best friend. I felt awkward asking verbally, shy... I was shy. I still have shy tendencies today, but it's something I'm working on. So, I emailed my professor this very intense email about how I really need to pass this class, I don't want to drop out, blah. blah. blah. It was very long and drawn out, but he definitely got my point and was willing to tutor me. All it took was that one email. He made time to help, like we all know those office hours exist, but it felt good when I was putting them use lol. I was learning y'all. I was making As & Bs, passing the course, and it felt good. I admit it was a slight struggle to get there, but it was something I overcame. It was like the beginning of something new. I started my first blog at the time. I got the idea from a class project! It was called A Dazzle of Beauty, same topics I have now and everything. That was really my baby. It's crazy because I'd stop blogging on that site, deleted it all because I was became anxious and doubtful. Doubtful of what I can do. Scared of what skills, talents, and possibilities could come with blogging. Thinking my content wasn't good enough. I vowed to myself I wouldn't hold myself back like that again. You're really your biggest critic and it's okay to be hard on yourself, just not too hard to where you scare yourself out of opportunities. Remember God didn't give us the spirit of fear, babygirl!
Networking
I would never go to the career fairs, just negative thinking about I'm not good enough. At the time I'd only had one job and it was an easy process, but the career for was intense. Possibly interacting with future employers became nerve racking. I just decided one day I'm going to go. Got me a fresh fit for the occasion, took my resume, spoked with different companies, hoped to get an internship, that I never got, but it felt good to show up, be social, and go. Just to experience the career fairs, to talk to companies, and to hear what they had to offer. I got business cards and emails. It was actually great! I wish I would've networked more in college and that a lesson a learned!Go out and meet people! If your local city is having a mixer or event, go! You may not know anyone, take a friend, go by yourself, the point is to just go and be open to meeting new people and gaining new experiences! If you're every applying for a job with at a certain company, it's good to mention those times you met the employers or the employees. Of course HR wants to know the time you met Flo from Progressive and you really admired the love she has for her job and the great company she works for, so you applied. Networking isn't about strictly jobs/careers. Get to know people, your peers, be engaged in what they want to do, what projects and jobs they have going. You guys could possibly collaborate on projects in the future. Maybe one day you're looking for a DJ, ahhhh.. remember so & so, they're a DJ! Reach out and give them business! It's good to know people in other fields because you never know what you would want to do next. I know everyone isn't helpful, but the world is filled with people willing and ready! If you stay ready, you don't have to get ready...
Everyone Is Not Your Friend
To whom this may concern, I truly wish you peace, love, and joy... Everyone isn't your friend. Everyone will not run with you in your life's journey and it is okay. I've lost friends and gain new ones and literally all of them have taught me something about myself, given me good memories, and things to grow from. Not everyone is compatible with you. Things change, people change, and it's something you can't control. It doesn't mean that you're better than anyone, so stay humble fam. You just have to control yourself and your actions, not others. Do you, because I'm going to do me regardless because, that just how I am! There are relationships and friendships that are worth fighting for, then some relationships and friendships are temporary... seasonal.
Relationships teach lessons, influence growth and maturity. A few lessons I've learned from my friendships are standing up for myself and effectively communicating. I almost lost some of my best friends because I was sooo... depressed. I never told them how I felt. I was sad and I hated freshman year. I missed... the old me, felt like nothing was going right. It ended up making me angry because it was all built up inside. All I wanted to do was be alone, all the time. I didn't like some of the things my friends did and vice versa. It was times where I wanted to go with them, I just couldn’t find the energy go or speak up. I had every opportunity to say something, to let them know I'm not okay. Instead I let it sit in my spirit, and let it get the best of me. I stopped talking to them, hanging with them, and the whole time I wanted to be with them! They would invite me and I wouldn’t answer my door. I would pretends to be sleep. I wanted to be included, but I didn't have it in me to be open the door. So crazy, right! It was really mixed emotions at the time, it was something we had to grow through! We're good now of course, those are my girlsss!
I live by the Golden Rule - "Treat others, how you want to be treated". If you're out here treating your friends like sh*t then you clearly don't want those friends. Friends are people who inspire you, push you, listen to you, make you feel loved, and comfortable. You need people you can truly be yourself around and they're trustworthy. Friends want better for you, not take advantage of you. If you don't want to do something, say no! You can be the sweetest person, but everyone has boundaries, use them. You feel like something should be said or you don't agree with your friends, say it! No one can say what you mean, but you. Learn to agree to disagree, people have opinions and different views. If your friends have something that really interests them like a new job, hobby, business, or an idea, be supportive and be encouraging. Be honest with your friends, be open, and be loving. If you've ever fallen out with a friend, don't wish bad on them, because karma is a big one. If you never want to speak to someone again in life, you don't have to, they have to accept it and move accordingly. You got God and your people, that's all you need!
Relationships teach lessons, influence growth and maturity. A few lessons I've learned from my friendships are standing up for myself and effectively communicating. I almost lost some of my best friends because I was sooo... depressed. I never told them how I felt. I was sad and I hated freshman year. I missed... the old me, felt like nothing was going right. It ended up making me angry because it was all built up inside. All I wanted to do was be alone, all the time. I didn't like some of the things my friends did and vice versa. It was times where I wanted to go with them, I just couldn’t find the energy go or speak up. I had every opportunity to say something, to let them know I'm not okay. Instead I let it sit in my spirit, and let it get the best of me. I stopped talking to them, hanging with them, and the whole time I wanted to be with them! They would invite me and I wouldn’t answer my door. I would pretends to be sleep. I wanted to be included, but I didn't have it in me to be open the door. So crazy, right! It was really mixed emotions at the time, it was something we had to grow through! We're good now of course, those are my girlsss!
I live by the Golden Rule - "Treat others, how you want to be treated". If you're out here treating your friends like sh*t then you clearly don't want those friends. Friends are people who inspire you, push you, listen to you, make you feel loved, and comfortable. You need people you can truly be yourself around and they're trustworthy. Friends want better for you, not take advantage of you. If you don't want to do something, say no! You can be the sweetest person, but everyone has boundaries, use them. You feel like something should be said or you don't agree with your friends, say it! No one can say what you mean, but you. Learn to agree to disagree, people have opinions and different views. If your friends have something that really interests them like a new job, hobby, business, or an idea, be supportive and be encouraging. Be honest with your friends, be open, and be loving. If you've ever fallen out with a friend, don't wish bad on them, because karma is a big one. If you never want to speak to someone again in life, you don't have to, they have to accept it and move accordingly. You got God and your people, that's all you need!
I really hope you guys enjoyed my jujus I sprinkled upon you! I would love to hear you guys college gems and the things you've learned or experienced ! We can always grow from each others experiences! Stay Poppin'! Stay Golden xo!
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